you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
