My room smells like vodka and shame
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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