hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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