I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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