tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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