how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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