I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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