you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
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I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
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somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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