i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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