My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
