It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
