According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
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I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
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When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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