I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
