All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
So squirting runs in the family.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
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