The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
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