At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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