I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
