I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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