She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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