There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
