girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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