Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
