Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I haven't been this sober since birth.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
