Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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