You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
