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I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
