we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
