I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
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JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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