my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
