GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
