a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
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