I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Randomize
