I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
