He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
