Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
We named our party play list daddy issues
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
