id be glad to
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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