I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
A+ Viking dick
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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