Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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