do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
