I bet he comes in French.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize