I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Blood and glitter go together right?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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