Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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