sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize