Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
