I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
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