They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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