I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
