This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
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I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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