we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I wish they made helmets for livers.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
