K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
