Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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