One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
