return my video game
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize
