Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
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