My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
