a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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