i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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