We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
