We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
