I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
