just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
