she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
