she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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