Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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