Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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