it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
