I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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