last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
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She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
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I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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