i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
