There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
