Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
