he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Randomize
