That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
