He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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