I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
