And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
