Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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