Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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